His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. (Song of Solomon 2:6)

To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than tender touches. To touch my body is to touch me. To withdraw from my body is to distance yourself from me emotionally. In our society, shaking hands is a way of communicating openness and social politeness.

When on rare occasions one person refuses to shake hands with another, it communicates that things are not right in their relationship. The same principle applies in marriage. Withdrawn from your spouse physically, and you are withdrawing emotionally. Touches may be explicit and call for your full attention, such as a back rub or a sexual foreplay. Or they may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on her shoulder as you pour a cup of tea or even rubbing against him as you pass in the kitchen.

Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your husband/wife, you are limited only by your imagination. Kiss when you get in the car. It may greatly enhance your travels. Give him a hug before you go shopping, and you may hear less griping when you return. Try new touches in new places and listen for feedback on whether or not it is pleasurable. Remember, your spouse has the final word, you are learning to speak his or her language.


Lord Jesus, please help to learn how my spouse wants to be touched. My love is so strong, and I want to communicate that.

Happy Mother’s Day