Love……thinks no evil. (1 Corinthians 13 v 4-5)

It’s a bit of advice most married couples have been told at some point; when there’s a disagreement, stay focused on the matter at hand. Here’s an example of what not to do.

Her: Of course, I’m upset! You said you’d be home by 6pm. I have dinner ready, then you call at 7pm to say you are on your way!

Him: what can I say? The meeting ran late.

Her: The meeting ran late……. just like last summer when you said you’d fix the sprinklers.

Him: I thought we were past that.

Her: Or when you said you’d hang the curtains by thanksgiving……

In this example the wife doesn’t stay focused, but it can easily happen to either spouse. Someone is keeping score and, in a moment of frustration, the “record of wrongs” is dragged out. All this ammunition, being fired all at once, does nothing to foster feelings of love!

A better and biblical strategy is to not store up that collection of wrong and offenses. When we have sinned against each other and have asked forgiveness, our sin is to be wiped out for good. We are not to drag up old things from the past to use them in the present against our spouse. God blots out our transgressions……..and will not remember your sins (Isaiah 43 v 25) we are to extend the same grace to each other.


  1. If you happen to have a mental record of your spouse’s wrongdoings towards you, it’s time to get rid of that list. Write down the list of your spouse’s offenses and then burn that paper.
  2. Talk together about how you both can process hurts, sins, or wrongdoings to help you avoid keeping scores or making that mental list. Then you can focus on the issues at hand and not try to defend yourself for or against what happened a long time ago.


Our forgiving of others will not procure forgiveness for ourselves, but our not forgiving others proves that we ourselves are not forgiven.


Lord, it’s hard to let go of those wrongs done against me, those hurts I have experienced in my marriage, and the consequences of my spouse’s sin that have impacted me. Please help me to forgive and let go of my list once and for all.